when it becomes apparent to everyone.

yesterday was a roller coaster ride of emotions. nervous to start the day(because of the last midterm), depressed after the midterm (because of the careless mistakes) and adrenaline on the car ride (lol at 100kmh=P).

went for reason's birthday party at downtown yest. the starting conditions weren't great, raining and all, but hey, whatever murphy throws at us, we can throw back=D. lol.

didn't know alot of people save for requiem, reason and zhiwei, but we are young people, and young people make friends very fast=D. hoho. played texas poker and bridge and taiti and the climax was asshole taiti. HAHA. super funny. some things you learn the hard way eh? like putting the '2' card as the last card auto condemns you a single round of assholeness. LOL.
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sometimes i feel as though i've overdone certain things. have i? lots of people have asked me questions regarding it, and i've always not given a straight answer. actually it's a yes. (yes u r right yes u r right yes u r rite).^(no. of frens who asked me the same question out of concern/curiosity)--- matlab syntax.grr.

i was kinda shocked when a random fren asked me the question. i was surprised that he actually noticed. i didn't know i had been that obvious. lol. or maybe its because his sixth sense is imba-ly strong. but its weird and cruel irony that it becomes apparent to everyone else but the people involved. maybe what they say is true: when u're in it, u can't see it. only when you're a bystander, can u truly see the whole picture.

i think i have a strong sixth sense, and i read body language very accurately. i can see, beyond the facial expressions and actions, what most people are thinking. it's an inborn ability; i didn't train myself lol.(like how to train??) so i can sense how most people are feeling most of the time. and 90% of the time, i'm right. let's just say past experiences have proved it.

and it isn't a good thing. really.

it's like being able to see the future. would you wanna know wat's gonna happen to you 10, 20, 30 years down the road?

it's times like that when i feel so so alone. so...torn. so paradoxical.

i feel like i need to do something, but yet i'm hesitant. when i'm braver, maybe everything will clear. it may take seconds, hours, days, weeks...all i hope is that courage comes earlier. because luck favours the brave.