not so easy...

不爱孤单 一久也习惯
不用担心谁 也不用被谁管
感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话 随便听一听 自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配电影
在周末晚上 关上了手机 舒服窝在沙发里

相爱没有那麽容易 每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪 轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麽容易 才会特别让人著迷
什麽都不懂的年纪
曾经最掏心 所以最开心 曾经

this song is called 没那么简单 by a seasoned singer from Taiwan. While the lyrics are talking about an elder generation's love story, but i think it applies for everything.

nothing is easy, or rather, not so simple. nothing comes easily in this world, be it money, studies, family, love, and happiness. or maybe i'm just plain depressed. recently, everything that i've done or wanted to do haven't been easy. either lots of effort needed or even if effort is put in, it eventually comes to naught.

in terms of studies, everything seems much harder. when i came into uni, someone told me i'll study until i come to a conclusion that i used to be clever. intelligence and hard work, doesn't necessarily pay off. quoting from jiawei, we don't get rewarded for regurgitating formulas anymore. have i become stupider, or am i just not putting in enough?

luckily i still have friends sharing the same workload as me.(well, not exactly, but it helps to have people knowing your pain.) it isn't really about the amount of time put into it, i realised. alot of things, you get it means you get it, else you won't. and it wun really help even if u spend more time on it.

sad.

music, one of the few things keeping me sane. but even that has been disillusioning me recently. one of the (few) things i dislike about performing is the need to sell tickets for your own performance. it feels like MLM: selling/pushing people your 'product', in this case the performance. don't like the feeling of cajoling my friend to go for concerts. like...using friendship as a chip to coerce your friend into going. cheapens the whole friendship. and being someone that doesn't like to force people against their will...really dislike the feeling. grr. while my passion for singing hasn't diminished, performance desire has been affected.

i'm tired. but i can't stop. i'm only...halfway through=X