murphy...bane of my life.

dislike being thrown off track by Frag-Os.

throws my mood into chaos. especially at night.

wth.

i hate murphy seriously. screw him.

not so easy...

不爱孤单 一久也习惯
不用担心谁 也不用被谁管
感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话 随便听一听 自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配电影
在周末晚上 关上了手机 舒服窝在沙发里

相爱没有那麽容易 每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪 轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麽容易 才会特别让人著迷
什麽都不懂的年纪
曾经最掏心 所以最开心 曾经

this song is called 没那么简单 by a seasoned singer from Taiwan. While the lyrics are talking about an elder generation's love story, but i think it applies for everything.

nothing is easy, or rather, not so simple. nothing comes easily in this world, be it money, studies, family, love, and happiness. or maybe i'm just plain depressed. recently, everything that i've done or wanted to do haven't been easy. either lots of effort needed or even if effort is put in, it eventually comes to naught.

in terms of studies, everything seems much harder. when i came into uni, someone told me i'll study until i come to a conclusion that i used to be clever. intelligence and hard work, doesn't necessarily pay off. quoting from jiawei, we don't get rewarded for regurgitating formulas anymore. have i become stupider, or am i just not putting in enough?

luckily i still have friends sharing the same workload as me.(well, not exactly, but it helps to have people knowing your pain.) it isn't really about the amount of time put into it, i realised. alot of things, you get it means you get it, else you won't. and it wun really help even if u spend more time on it.

sad.

music, one of the few things keeping me sane. but even that has been disillusioning me recently. one of the (few) things i dislike about performing is the need to sell tickets for your own performance. it feels like MLM: selling/pushing people your 'product', in this case the performance. don't like the feeling of cajoling my friend to go for concerts. like...using friendship as a chip to coerce your friend into going. cheapens the whole friendship. and being someone that doesn't like to force people against their will...really dislike the feeling. grr. while my passion for singing hasn't diminished, performance desire has been affected.

i'm tired. but i can't stop. i'm only...halfway through=X

i wonder if you know i worry about you.

i wonder if you'll listen to me and take care of yourself.

i wonder if you know i treasure you more than i do myself.

do you?

i guess not.

random feelings...

long time since i blogged. busy busy busy. crazy couple of weeks, preparing for midterms, preparing for emerge, and not forgetting, spending precious time together with my dearest.

craziest thing i did was prolly going school at 11pm. yea 11pm. on sat night. band prac at clubroom. sounds crazy, but that was the only choice i had. considering i had two midterms today, obviously i couldnt go for tech run on sun evening. so i spend 2 hours to and fro, and spent 1 hrs there.

crazy?

yea.

but it was fun when it lasted. cool band arrangement, kinda made my night. music, rocks my soul=)

had two midterms today. CN was crazily hard, i think get 60 really very good liao. maths was better, though im kinda pissed over a careless mistake that cost me some marks. sian.

so i have 2 more, one on fri and the other next mon. now need to chiong tutorials for this week, before i lag behind and have to play catch-up. which i abhor. lol.

was feeling very apologetic to my dearest today. coz of some stuff that was my fault.=X i'm sorry dearest, it won't happen again. i promise=) trust me okays?=)

mind over body...

if there's one thing army taught me, it's that mind takes control over body. no matter how tired physically you are, as long as the mind presses the body to go, you'll go. it's just a simple matter of perserverance and determination actually. whether you possess the mental willpower to push yourself.

maybe its coz i'm somewhat used to pushing myself beyond the limit.

is that a fault?
----------------------

我期待
有一天我会回来
回到我最初的爱
回到童贞的神采

我期待
有一天我会明白
明白人世的至爱
明白原始的情怀

我情愿分合的无奈
能换来春夜的天籁
我情愿现在与未来
能充满秋凉的爽快

say goodbye
say goodbye
前前后后
迂迂回回地试探

say goodbye
say goodbye
昂首阔步
不留一丝遗憾

no regrets. love this song(: its notoriously high-pitched. should contemplate singing it live sumday...if i have the guts=P

sometimes, three days seem like a lifetime...
sometimes, the suffocating walls seem to trap me...
sometimes, i just wanna take a break...but expectations...all those expectations...

life sucks.

for the past few days, i thought about walking down clarke quay and enjoying the river breeze.

for the past few days, i thought about talking about my pent up frustrations.

for the past few days, i thought about enjoying friday night.

just didn't think i would do it alone.

murphy sucks. seriously. go away, arsehole.

the beginning of better days. or is it?

end of week 5. end of all the horrible time consuming chem labs. now i have a 2hr day on tues and that's it. yay. and now left only 2 lsm labs before fri becomes a slack day too. yay times two.

next week is recess week cum chinese new year. nus is just downright evil to put midterms immediately after the recess week. on top of having to mug for midterms, still have some assignments whose deadlines are coming up as well. well done. seems like in uni, time is never enough to finish all the outstanding work before a new one pops up. no time to rest, no time to slack, no time to spend with the people most important to you.

sucks.

------------------------------

坏人---方炯镔

容忍的人其实并不笨
只是宁可对自己残忍
既然爱不能恒温
祝福就给你下一个人

你是好人 也是个坏人
对我坦承 只为了朝他狂奔
不能放任 所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

我是好人 也是个坏人
分得够狠 你才有藉口转身
宁愿爱 一点不剩
也不忍 看恋人爱成路人

damn nice song, that i forgot and recently just heard again. love the lyrics; makes you ooze sympathy for the singer. i think everyone needs to know when to let go, when to know that letting go is in fact a happier process.

你是好人 还是坏人?