it's raining...

it rains...rains, rains and continues to rain...

sometimes it pours when i think about stuffs. stuffs that i force myself to think. but usually it's raining.

how do i stop the flow?

do i get used to waking up in cold sweat, reminded of the same nightmare over and over again? do i get used to it all?

how?

teach me...

how to curb the rain...

原来, 我不是我想像的那么勇敢

the meaning of happiness

everything going wrong today, falling apart like my life is.

they say that one climbs up after falling, and learning from his mistakes. you've heard it since primary school. but when you do fall, you'll realise how difficult it is to climb all the way up again, especially when you have nobody to give you a hand.

i've never really expected much. all along, my train of thought was study, work and eventually die. why do we study? so as to get a good job. why do we need to get a good job? so that we can live comfortably. why do we want to live comfortably? because that would make us happy and satisfied.

or is it?

would someone really be happy upon finding a good paying job? would someone really be happy upon getting excellent grades?

what's the point? why not just skip to the last part, which is death? why lead a 'fulfilling' life, when you yourself never know what fulfilling entails?

are we all just misguided beings not knowing what actually makes us happy?

i'm really starting to get the picture that the world isn't as rosy as people think it is. it makes just about as much sense as my dad hollering at me when i reached home, for no apparent reason, citing 'a whole day at work' as the reason for his foul mood.

do you remember when was the last time you were really happy? truly happy, and not just happy coz you found a good job, you had a salary increase, you have good grades etc etc. when was the last time you felt like you were so happy you owned the world?

can you really remember? or was there even such a time at all?

lots of people say life sucks, screw my life. me included. but nothing sucks more than the realisation that the happiness everybody is craving for, doesn't really exist.

at least for me...

on another note, job at iras got postponed till 'further notice'. and it was them who hurriedly asked me if i was able to go back to work earlier. now i think they have too many temp staff there. it's typical of her, to raise hopes and to dampen them. disgusting, the way she manipulates people to obtain her ends. even if she has a good reason, have the decency to call and tell directly instead of getting underlings to do the dirty work for you.

very free tomorrow, anybody wants to go out?

it's strange how so much has changed over the 3 days i was away. so, so much. just when i was feeling liberated after all the fresh air i breathed in at Genting, it's news that i don't want to hear that greets me in Singapore.

because, i don't want it to be goodbye.

how strange too that the last time it was a face to face was when i just fell sick on Friday. Friday...sounds so long ago now...

eons ago.

i just hope, it's not the last time...

Post Exam Sickness...

realised i haven't posted anything since the end of the exams...oops...been a little busy going out with the important person=)

anyways, exams are over!yay!year 1 down, 3 more years to go before graduation and 40 more years of working... provided i do live that long...but well never mind...take things one thing at a time. be glad that at least this sem's exams are over and take a well deserved break.

the post exam curse is back. for some reason after every major exam i'll just fall horribly sick and unable to play just when i'm relieved of all the stress. sickening. and i just caught the flu, though i'm still going genting tomorrow. will be back by tuesday, wednesday going back to school for voices main comm elections and oweek meeting, thurs going back to work. at iras.

packed huh?

my dear is more busy though=P

not gonna take tuition already, it's too much of a pain though it's a real good money spinner. lol. don't wanna sell my brain and kill what remains of it by teaching tuition. work at iras should be interesting. gotta get all my PR skills and tax knowledge back after a good 1 year absence. haha.

argghhh...sore throattt!!!

last day.

and so it's the last day!yay!finally here. spent 4 days on this module, reading notes, summaries, textbook, past year papers, tutorials and still not feel prepared. LOL.

tells you what a crazy module this is. they can set any kind of questions, and still won't be able to solve even if you have mugged all the topics like hell.

whatever, just hope everyone feels that way and the famous engineering bell curve does its job.

last paper last paper last paper! grrr...

breaking free...

life's too short to be stubborn about some things. even things that constitute my beliefs, ideals...things that make me me.

perhaps i should just accept things as they come. instead on insisting for it to happen, or insisting it to be my way. life's just...too short. unexpected things happen, and maybe i should just be thankful i'm alive and kicking and be contented with my life.

or just...that's the way things are shaping up to be. to be contented with your lot, with what you've been bestowed...

trying free from my self-imposed shackles. it probably won't be easy. okay it isn't easy at all. maybe i'll fail. or perhaps i'll succeed. in telling myself it doesn't matter...does it? am i kidding myself?

haha. an absolutely random post. just thinking alot.

sometimes i feel i'm not my own priority. ignoring the niggling feeling that 'this isn't right' that's blaring away in my brain. maybe i can learn to not be so concerned. can i? can i really not be concerned?

life's just too short. regret is too painful a friend to make.

生命尽头反正一场空

Because one must live life to the fullest...

it's ending soon!

and finally i'm past the halfway mark of the exams. 3 papers down, 3 more to go. yay! it's ending it's ending it's finally ending!

kind of envious of those people who end exams tomorrow after maths paper. lol. i still have like 6 days?? really wth. they had to put cn exam on a super spastic date, though it's kind of good exams-wise to spread it out. but still..... next wed is still eons away -.-

i need to have more confidence in myself...zzz.

time to hit the sheets and mug again tomorrow morning. somehow, i prefer working to studying. so much more enjoyable. at least, don't need to stay up late to study and you can enjoy the rest of the night once you're done at work. grr...shall look forward to the hols...