does the winner take it all?

The winner takes it all---ABBA

The gods may throw the dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain?

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny...

such a nice song, so true too...the winner takes it all, the loser standing small. that's the natural order of things isn't it? can't be helped...

but to me, what's important is to not take for granted what you have now. it's a blessing, and a gift, to have people around you that care. it isn't a right. in fact, whoever's above always have a way of telling people that it ISN'T a right, by taking things away when it matters the most. a not-so-gentle reminder, just when we start to get complacent.

treasure everything you have. because regret is a terrible friend to make...

life's like that; one second you may feel like a winner, but how long does it really last? or rather, do you really think you are a winner? and vice versa, do you really think you have lost?

i don't know. because i've never really lost something i've felt is extremely important. and i don't wanna know.=X

but i feel, you wouldn't really have lost everything, unless you have given up on yourself. you can lose your wealth, your friends, your loved ones, but what you have left, is always yourself. trust yourself, trust that you can overcome all obstacles in front of you by yourself. because you have never really lost totally, unless you have given up on yourself.

it may seem too idealistic; how many people can claim to be so strong to stand up again after failures?

but do you have a choice? when left by yourself, do you actually have a choice, except to stand up again, and tell yourself, you must do it?

stand up and fight. because you know you must.

And all i want for X'mas..is you=)

feeling blessed, feeling joyous, feeling happiness like never before this festive X'mas=)

thank you, for being you=).

because you mean the world to me=)

back to basics

so results release was yesterday. everything was quite expected, though some that i thought i had screwed up i did quite okay, while the one i thought i did well didn't exactly get the grade i wanted. but oh well. everything balances out.

so we look forward to next semester. where i should be taking 6 mods. hmm...just checked it out on the timetable builder. it is actually feasible! since the SS mod i'm taking has only one 2hr lecture per week and no tutorials...looks fine to me. with some luck, i'll only have one lesson on tues=)

hopefully, murphy doesn't strike.=P
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so sem 1 is over! with the release of results, we can draw the curtains on the bridging semester where i attempted to ignite my brain after 2 or more years of inactivity. and the cultural shock of university is officially over too. gotten used to school all over again, gotten used to studying, gotten used to having cca activity, gotten used to... everything=)

therefore i think everything will just get better.

full steam ahead.

think will be busy next sem...6 modules, with the planning for emerge concert, with the practising for the concert itself. and of course, most importantly, spending time with my dear=) it all boils down to time management, and i'm sure everything will work out. it will=)
-----------------------------

was listening to 方炯镔's newest album last night. an album solely dedicated to singing other singers' popular songs, and honestly speaking, his rendition arguably surpassed all the predecessors. the first time in a long while in which i thought ALL the songs in anyone's album were worth listening to. listened to it repeatedly, and the 'touching' feel still remains. impressive. i felt so at peace listening to it last night that i fell asleep listening to it.=P just very impressive vocals, no unnecessary techniques, simple acoustic accompaniment.

very touching=). singing, back to basics.

i respect such singers, because they don't command as much media attention as the so called bigwig idol singers, but they certainly sing much better than the show luos, fahrenheits, jolins. yet they continue to put in effort to express the sort of music they love, to bring this music to their audiences. it doesn't matter if you don't look real good on stage, if you can't dance, just possess the purest voice to touch hearts. that's all that's required of a good singer.

and that's what i aim to do.


猜心---方炯镔

这样的夜
热闹的街
问你想到了谁紧紧锁眉
我的喜悲 随你而飞
擦了又湿的泪与谁相对...

originally by 张宇. but this singer makes it sound tons better =p.
---------------------------

fri, sat and sun are all special days. hope you'll enjoy them as much as i think i will.=)

vivace!

went for vivace at st james today. it was not bad, really. quite well done. the song rundown was smooth, the singing was not bad and the ending was excellent=D. really a case of, so-high-that-we-didn't-care-about-the-singing-anyway kind of ending.

the last 3 songs were done with alot of energy, it was as though the performers were willing the audience to stand up and dance with them. but singaporeans being singaporeans(myself included), have this weird penchant to just stare stoically even though singers/performers are trying their best to make us high.

A for effort though=P

the new singers were not bad, except for the occasional off-key and forgetting of lyrics, which can probably be attributed to nerves. and khim and zhiyang were good as usual. overall, a rather good concert=). if emerge can be done like that, i would consider it a success actually=P

and, so weird, although there were many girls wearing 'interesting' clothes(really quite interesting=P) and all wearing makeup, i didn't really look at them. i was more inclined to look at this rather charismatic and shuai guy on stage=P. oops. but no kidding. my first impression was,' wow.he can be an artiste already'. just that he has the ability to capture attention.

impressive. when can i learn that skill?=P

Disclaimer: the last time i checked, i was still straight.=D

it's a sad, long journey to take alone..even just for a day..

reached home at an unholy timing after voices meeting in school yesterday. a 14 hour meeting. omg. mentally draining=P. had to decide 27 songs for emerge next year and more importantly, who to sing what, taking into consideration all the preferred song genres, the suitable genres that the vocalist can sing, suitable pairings, suitable vocal range, whether the vocalist can dance, act sexy...etc etc.

so many considerations, so many possible combinations, some of which may be potential screw-ups during emerge.

i think the voices peeps, if anyone is reading this, have to really thank joel and marcus. for the pure effort and hard work put in. and the faith they have in the vocalists. hopefully they can really pull it off, else it'll be a waste of effort discussing endlessly yesterday.

i think i'm like the bad guy in there, with jim. in order not to compromise standards, i would rather axe people, then to find them a song for the sake of giving them a bit part in the concert. maybe i'm just more hard-hearted than joel, yanjia and winnie.=P

but hopefully, just hopefully, the decisions we made are correct and everything works out =P. else...joel's gonna have a major headache in the buildup to the concert =X.

and i'm happy with my part=D. very happy. one song, no more, no less. i don't think i would be able to cope with 2 or more anyway. perfect=)

and it's day 2 of cycle 2 this week. a necessary evil, but very torturous. voices distracted me yesterday, but what to do today? i predict, my mood will just keep going downhill today.

murphy strikes back...

after deliberating for so many days on where to go on tues, eventually i went for voices meeting in school. for the past few days,i have been thinking which one to go for: voices, sentosa with the oweek peeps and iras outing.

in the end fate decided for me. how ironic eh, when you spend quite some time fretting over which one to go, murphy strikes and it's decided by the forces above =P

to my dear: it's okay. we can have all the time to spend when you get well okays?=) remember the christmas period? =) and cycling, we can do that anyday too =)

get well soon, dear...

coz baby i wrote this, i wrote this, for you...

humming a love song...

哼情歌-徐佳莹

在无关紧要的场合 都会想起这首歌
是因为 你曾经哼唱着
再平淡无奇的眼神 都会想起你呢
是因为 我曾被你凝望着

我只好夜夜哼情歌 是因为她拥着你了
不想往事因为你们背影而毫无气色了
是不是还爱着你呢 所以我心还在跳动着

还有什么舍不得 也只能哼情歌

was shuffling my music player in pure boredom today and was reminded of this song. the lyrics is only 2 paragraphs long, but... for some strange reason, i felt so touched. the title of the song literally means humming a love song, and the composer says this song was written based on a tune that her ex used to hum. the lyrics were short and simple, but the part that caught me was a part of the song that the singer hummed the tune instead of singing any lyrics.

so melancholic, so despairing, so...

sad.

sometimes, tunes by itself carry so much emotion, that having lyrics just seems surplus. this is a good example...

are you a liar gamer?

the last few days passed by soo quickly, didn't really have time to blog about it =P. apart from spending time with my dear, have also been going back to school for voices meetings/auditions and some courses. and watching liar game=D. which i'm currently addicted to=P.

it's actually quite fun to sit in for auditions, because you can see how people sing under stress. okay maybe not alot of stress, but auditioning/singing in front of a crowd is always stressful. and the ideas they have for the performance are quite interesting too=P. next up will be choosing songs for the actual performance, which i'm sure will be a slow and painful process =X. maybe one/two days of meetings before everything is decided?

for there to be a good show, there must first be meticulous planning eh? think that's quite true.

watched one episode of liar game and got hooked=P. but the purpose behind the game is true, isn't it? humans can be conniving and deceitful when they want to. to lie, to hide oneself's true nature to win/earn something. only, in liar game, the consequences of losing is too great and players find themselves having almost no choice but to resort to lies and betrayal to avoid running up debts. currently watching season 2=D. probably go on to other manga when i'm done.=D

looking forward to christmas, or rather, the christmas period=) but before that, we all have to get through Judgement Day =X. THE judgement day. but nvm. will think about it in 10 days time. of which the next 6 days, i think, will seem long and dreary. i wonder...

maxing out the happiness index...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MASb0FWPZZ4

watch the above link; mariah carey at her best=) in case anyone's wondering, she isn't lip synching; her recorded album song doesn't sound like that. she sounds better live=P. the album version doesn't really do justice to her voice.

other random notes: was watching the heat vs lakers game last afternoon. the lakers, with kobe, exemplify what it means by don't give up until the last moment. down 5 points with 20 seconds remaining, fisher hits a three, bringing the score to 107-105. before kobe does what he does best, making a clutch three pointer at the buzzer over wade. WALAO. i was watching with my mouth open. that guy is super zai man. buzzer beating three pointer, evading a double team, making a clutch shot and leading his team to victory.

wicked=)
----------------------------------------------------

i woke up to a beautiful day today. as i laid awake while lazing on the sofa, i recollected all the sweet memories of these 2 days=) probably the happiest 2 days of my life...=)

how interesting eh, the hands of fate? from how we met, to how we got to know each other, to how we got together...so coincidental, so precious, so treasured=)

so memorable=)

salvation!

finally, the semester came to an end when dr khan said,' Put down all your pens!' at 7pm sharp today. though this 3months didn't seem very long to me. it wasn't very long ago that i went for oweek and started school. maybe it was the general pace of life in uni. rushing to do this, hurrying to complete that...that time just flew past. and in no time, exams were here and the end of term came around.

i can't say i accomplished alot academically wise this sem. more like a warm-up sem after my dormant brain went into hibernation during the 2 years of NS. i did my best, and i can say that whatever results come along, i got it with hard work.

made alot of new frens, the EE gang, andrew, reason, yan, rachel, jason etc etc...CSP gang, edwin, aaron, johanan, songhoe etc...saw lots of 'old' frens from army and JC...new friendships forged and old friendships revived.

of course, not forgetting the special someone=). for a period, i wondered what would have happened if i hadn't joined orientation, hadn't met you...the work of fate, as always, is intriguing. somehow, somewhere, the forces above decided that i should meet you, fall in love, and make me the happiest guy around. thank you, for being there. because you complete me.=)

and my decision to join a CCA i was truly interested in was well justified, i think. met friends, who, like me, have a strong interest in singing. and distracting me from the (very) mundane ritual of tutorials and lectures. what's the fun in uni if your sole purpose is to mug hard and get your degree? you have to enjoy life, while at the same time, putting in the effort to get your degree.

7 semesters to go, before i leave the realm of education and delve into the workforce. follow the tried and tested formula. maybe i'll eventually fulfill my ambition to be a doctor, maybe not. it has and will always be my ambition to be one, but reality is cruel. and often more cruel to me than others. that's why i treasure everything that i have now. i realise, i always seem to take the hard way, rather than the path more often trodden. to realise things the hard way, to do things the hard way, runs you through the mill and make you stronger, but it does make you weary. weary of what else is to come, what else can be thrown at me.

and i can only hope everything is smooth-sailing from now on.

sounds emo? i'm not. really. just some reflections and things to muse over.

as i was discussing with friends tonight my plans for the hols and next sem, i find, maybe i'm planning too far ahead. one step at a time, because things tend not to turn out the way you expect them to. murphy's law. i think, i shall wait for my sem 1 cap before deciding on what to do next sem. i plan, but i prepare for the worst.

i have lots of things to look forward to this month, many of which include my special one=). with her, everything just seems brighter and i think more optimistically. perhaps, she is the reason i forge on...

my hand is always there, for whenever you wish to hold it. for the warmth of your hand, warms my heart...

planning ahead...

Spent the past few days mugging. haiz. whatever the result of the exams, i can say i tried my bestest already. when a chim paper comes along and kills everyone, it actually makes you wonder what's the point of studying. but we still have to try right? to me, it's better knowing you made an effort trying then to die knowing you deserved it. feels way better. come 22nd Dec, whatever the university throws at me, at least i can say i did try my best.

and that's what matters.

3 days 3 papers. when just about everyone else has 1 paper left. either that or in holiday mood already. can't wait for this to be over. but i have this perennial ability to fall sick immediately after major exams. hopefully not this time round. i have lots of things to accomplish, like downloading new games into my (mouldy) psp, hang out with the veejay gang, plan for emerge concert next year. and of course, spending time with my special one =)

so all signs point to me NOT getting a job during this less than a month hols. still wondering if i should. if i do, i'll rather go back property tax and pick up calls, since i can take flexi-leave and still earn my keep.=P

hmm. planning for next sem. will probably overload if my cap this sem is good enough. 4 core + eg1413 and SS i think? think its the only sem where it makes sense to overload, because sem 3 onwards i'll be really really busy. and next sem, i'll be juggling 6 mods with voices stuff. well done. i'll give it more thought and decide before school starts next sem.

the roof-top feels different when it's you i'm with. before, i have always appreciated the view alone. now...i have you=)

哭过就好了---梁文音

不喜欢怀疑什麽
并不表示我没有感受
看你微妙的变化 慢慢不同
我不是生气 只是心痛

最讨厌被误会了
但越解释越觉得难过
你可以说人会变 但不能说
你会这麽做 是我的错

哭过就好了 伤都会好的
这样相信所以深呼吸著割舍
爱是为了拥抱 为了牵手
不是为了争吵 为了调头

哭过就好了 痛都会走的
记忆有限 所以它会淘汰坏的
失眠听歌 想念虽然苦涩

还是谢谢你让我长大了...

3 more to go, wanna get out of this wretched vicious cycle.

the end is near...

and it all starts tomorrow.

1.5 weeks more, and freedom is upon us. i have so many things to do, so many unaccomplished tasks, so many things that i have thought of, but just didn't have the time to carry them out.

many of which include you. or rather, things that only the two of us can accomplish together=).

can't wait.

because of this, i'm motivated.

because of you i'm motivated=)

random blabberings...

it helps to know that someone, somewhere, under this vast blue sky, is thinking of you too(:

hmm. seems like everyone is stressed out over finals. i hear of people staying overnight in school to study till 6am (-.-), people planning to go without sleep studying (=.=) and hard core people already chionging all the past year papers (==.==).

while i'm also feeling the heat, sometimes, more haste, less speed. time is of essence, but falling sick during this period would significantly reduce efficiency, and lessen work done.

and to you: don't worry about the future, especially over things that will not, shall not and cannot happen. Concentrate on the task at hand, but don't overwork yourself. Because nothing is more important than a healthy you=)

3 weeks, and the long-awaited end is near...

2 days an eternity...

such a long long two days...

filled with studying, doing papers, revising and missing someone.

wonder who eh?=P

on friday i recalled the days when i was still alone. studying alone, going to lectures and tutorials alone, eating alone. don't like it at all. the feeling of talking to myself. argh. weird=P.

but i'm not longer alone. and i'm thankful. so very thankful=)

three weeks to the end of term. can't wait...

the first, the one and only=)

第一次---光良

第一次
我说爱你的时候 呼吸难过
心不停地颤抖

第一次
我牵起你的双手 失去方向
不知该往哪儿走

那是一起相爱的理由
那是一起厮守

第一次吻
你深深的酒窝 想要清醒
却冲昏了头

第一次你
躺在我的胸口
二十四小时 没有分开过

那是第一次知道 天长地久...

hmm. one of my all time favourite songs. during genesis recital, this song was the opening song by cheeyang, super emo, super smooth, super nice. pity i don't have the video of that=P

well well. these days, been mugging hard for finals. can't say i'm extremely on schedule, but at least i understand 90% of the stuff i'm going through. seems like back to JC all over again, only thing slightly less stuff to memorise=P.

for engineering students, time is like never enough. too much stuff to study, too many reports to submit, too many things to plan...they say you can differentiate an engin student and an arts/biz student from the size of their eyebags=X. seriously. no joke.

i've always been a conscientous time-planner, coz i know, failing to plan is tantamount to planning to fail. for now, spending time with dearest and studying is a joint first, everything else comes after that. including watching tv and surfing the net =P.

okays, back to my organic chem and the love-hate relationship with alkenes, hyperconjugation and Wittig's reagent=X.

a subtle expression or action tells a million words. And those million words can be summarised into three =)

a new dawn

thank you, my friends, to everyone who wished me happy birthday =) really touched=)

it has been a memorable year, finally exiting from the slavery known as SAF, going to work at iras, going back to school. met so many new frens, did so many new things, learnt so much new information. this past year has been really action packed, to say the least.

the most important event of which occured about 2 months earlier. maybe its the hands of fate, maybe its just pure good luck, that i met you. you, who has, still is, and is going to, change my life.

for once, i'm looking forward to the future with trepidation. refound my vigour to live my life to the fullest. we carry on, happy or sad, but now with the added assurance that you have me by your side, and i have you next to me.

it's a beginning of a new dawn. on the day i reach 21 years of age, i begin a new journey...one that i hope will always include you =)

a memorable day

so this is how it feels like to celebrate a birthday=)

too long have i not had a proper birthday celebration to remember how it feels like to be pleasantly surprised and feel so loved by friends. last year, at this time, i was still preparing my GPMG for the morning BIC shoot. two years ago at this time, i was still crawling around in some taiwan jungle, desperately homesick and tired of all the army nonsense. three years ago, on my birthday, i had a maths and biology A level paper on the same day. four years ago.....

so this year, is a memorable birthday for me. in more ways than one.

because this year, i have you=)

i was told today was jennie's birthday, so went to celebrate. didn't expect it to be a red herring for my surprise birthday instead. (although we did go to celebrate hers as well later. feel quite bad for like 'tricking' her=X) i only realised it was for me when during the happy birthday song, they started singing my name=P. then came the presents and the card.

oh yes. the card.

to me, the card, although not very valuable or very beautifully done ( the emblem of l'pool rox, reason!), it is the most precious of all the presents i received today. because of what they wrote, i could feel their heartfelt wishes and sincerity. that beats any material presents that i will receive=)

thank you, my friends. really liked it=)

my 21st, the most memorable yet.

many more to come in future? i hope so=)

同手同脚---温岚

未来的每一步一脚印
踏着彼此梦想前进
路上偶尔风吹雨淋
也要握紧你的手心

未来的每一步一脚印
相知相惜相依为命
别忘记之间的约定

我会永远在你身边陪着你...

for you =)

miniconcert 2009...and the aftermath.

sound makes or breaks a gig. just proved that theory tonight.

the sound was rather bad, with feedback and loud screeching noises occasionally. marcus was trying his best, let's give him the credit he deserves, but still, it was bad. at least the first half was. the MCs (me included) had to come up with random fillers to prevent the audience from going to sleep while the band prepared itself. mostly it was xianyou and wang qian doing the random talking, while me and grace just stoned.=.=

feel quite bad. especially later when kee onn and judson came to speak to me and wang qian on the principles of hosting. hmm. lots to improve on. maybe the effort from me just wasn't there tonight. was disturbed by the very bad sound system and couldn't find my energy to engage the audience. well. never mind. it was a sombering experience=X.

my song was fine, for once, throughout the whole night, there was no feedback from the speakers. though i couldn't really hear myself on stage, i was told by seniors that my voice kinda overpowered kaili's and they couldn't really hear kaili's voice. kinda apologetic. i was surprised by my own 'relaxness' before the song. no nerves, just tiredness. and i thought i did justice to the song=)

after the whole thing ended (with xianyou prancing around on stage like a crazed man; it was good mind you. meant it in a good way, though both their voices cracked. LOL. super hilarious. crack at the same note summore=.=), they called for a debrief, and said a whole lot of things expected for a debrief. 'you all did well','but can improve','thank you all for the effort','i thought it was good' etc etc. to be honest, to be a good leader, after every concert/performance/recital, you have to say that to your groupmates because they did put in the effort to do well.

whether it is truly that way remains to be seen. sometimes, results not equals effort.

and i'm program head for emerge 2010. means more busy, busy stuff to do. luckily ben's program head too, so i suppose we share the workload?=P haha.

till emerge next year=)

myeverything.

Everything---王力宏

Cause You're My Everything
就一个原因
让我勇敢面对这个世界
想给你Everything
不管用多少个明天
永远从此刻开始算起

你的爱是我的Everything...

=)

the dilemma

today was a good day in general, for reasons that some people will know why=P.

thought quite abit today...

i realise, as i got older, the driving force pushing me to succeed changed. when i was in sec sch and jc, i wanted to do well for my parents, for my future, for my lofty ambitions to be a doctor. when i first entered uni, i told myself, i'll do well for my parents, and ultimately, for myself.

And now, i tell myself, i'll do my best for my parents, myself...and for you =).

for you are one of my driving forces now=)
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i've never believed in allowing problems to disappear by itself. because problems tend to get more severe if left untreated. this time, it's not me not wanting to solve the problem. it's because someone's holding me back, telling me to wait awhile longer, maybe he'll think it through and decide that it's not worth it.

given the choice i would have approached the person in question long ago and thrashed things out, face to face, man to man. but i haven't. because, he's my good friend. i don't wanna hurt him, because i know it's not his fault. i know, because i've seen too many examples, and i know it's hard to extricate yourself from everything.

but you have to try.

no matter how painful it may be. trust me: short pain better than long pain =X

i still extend my hand of friendship to him, should he decide to take it. i really hope he takes it, cause he's been a good fren, and i really don't want this to compromise our friendship.

but some things still have to be done, a necessary evil =X. be it for me, for her or for him...it eventually, has to be done...

walk on...

251009 the turning point=)

went for tuition and voices today. was quite tired at the end coz i was hosting the whole show and had to keep talking. after that wasn't nervous for my own song at all. and i don't think i sang the song very well. partially coz of the band, partially coz of the sound system, partially becoz i didn't feel fully confident. heck. singing is about being happy=)

of coz that's not the point of this entry.

i'll remember today forever. 251009. i've not felt so happy and exhilarated in a long long while. As i waited with bated breath for her reply, i wondered if this could be it. the beginning of something new. the beginning of something, which i feel, might be for a lifetime.

I'm glad that you trust me so much. Be assured I trust you the same way, and even more, if that's possible. The future's uncertain, but i'm sure we can walk on together, sharing each others' burdens, worries, unhappiness, happiness, joy...

there was a period where i thought i couldn't trust anyone anymore. but you brought me back to where i am now. thank you, mydearangel. i really appreciate it.=)

for you brighten my life, like nobody can...

P.S.: As i read and reread what you sent me, another wave of happiness came crashing over. It mattered alot to me. Really(: I told you i don't remember what i did for you because i did it from the bottom of my heart, because i simply thought it was the right thing to do. And i'm glad i did what i did=).

mydearangel

so many things to remember because so many things happened today. let's start from sequence.

i woke up at 6 plus due to a weird dream i had last night=.= then decided i couldn't sleep anymore and decided to blog. that entry is locked, at least until when i think it should be released. and to the right person too.

went to school for math tutorial followed by performance at yih. 10 minutes before the show, my emotions were turning from emo/sadness to happy/giddiness =X. shall not elaborate. but suffice to know that my mood was visibly lifted. thank you, for letting me know =)

the sound system was still quite bad today. my first 2 songs were sung with me not hearing much of the music and i certainly couldn't hear myself.=.= but i thought 专属天使 and 记得 was okay. especially 专属天使. i could see marcus's expression when i DIDN'T do zy's version of 记得. so funny. he was looking at me expecting me to do the falsetto adlib, then when i didn't, he smiled. LOL. hilarious=D. and marcus nodded at me when i was doing 专属天使, and i could hear myself quite clearly, so i thought it was prolly the best song of the lot. maybe because i felt it was the most important song of the lot too?


if i was a little braver, maybe i would have made some comment while singing 专属天使. to talk about the 天使(angel) around me now=) but i wasn't. so maybe next time?=)

went for all the lectures including the utterly useless MLE one where the prof was squeaking to the freaking wall and no one could hear what he was saying. this kind of lecture is classified under the 'go home read textbook then understand' kind of lecture.=.= seriously. gawd what is NUS thinking??

went voices for a while, went through the band arrangement but kaili wasn't around so it wasn't very productive. went back after awhile to meet requiem and reason=)

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专属天使---Tank


要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为
生命只有黑夜

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
我有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望...

very nice song. never had the courage to try singing this, because it gets too high at the back and there is a technique i need to use that i haven't mastered. but today i altered it and made it sound like me =)
-----------------------------------------------------------

I just want to see you happy. If you feel that it's your fault, don't. Because it was never your fault to begin with. And because I'm only happy if you are.

events and reflections...from the bottom of my heart.

did a short gig today at yih square. just two songs. didn't think i did it very well. the sound system didn't exactly catch my voice very well, so the sound coming out wasnt very gd too=X. but hey, every performance is a new learning experience. at least now i know how i must project my voice when singing outdoors =). and in a hot environment with no ventilation=.=

hopefully tomorrow will be better. don't think i'll try the same thing i did today; far too crazy for a live performance, and too risky. LOL=X. will just treat it like a normal singing session...

no stress=)

then went for lectures before settling down to do some work. and work i did. one full math tut in 1hr(personal best record=P) plus abit of mle. quite happy wif my productivity=)

---------------------------------------------------------

life is a chore when u have nothing to look forward to. look forward to what? finals? lab reports? lectures? it's just hard to keep sane. i think i know the rationale for MOE implementing compulsory CCAs in sec sch and JC; to keep students sane. if everyday was just lecture, tutorial, lab day in day out, i wouldn't have survived school =.=

for me, the most significant motivation now is a someone. you have no idea the impact you have on me=). many a time tiredness and frustration kicks in when i can't do something, the thought of you calms me down. and brings a faint smile to my face. my sis used to ask why am i smiling to my laptop screen; am i crazy?

she couldn't be more right=)

now, of course, there's voices. previously i used to sing to vent my frustrations. somehow singing is my way of relieving stress. it still is. they say that the way you sing, the way you express your emotions, the amount of emotion you put in your singing, is tantamount to your experiences.

how true. i've learnt how to put emotion in, maybe because i have undergone quite alot of it myself. sometimes, it's not a bad thing to undergo troubles.

because problems make you grow. and lets you know who you are as a person. make you realise, what's most dear to you.

to begin the journey of discovery, you must first discover yourself...

the little bright sparks in life

天使忌妒的生活---曹格

真的什么都别说
彩虹正在消失
我们赶快捕捉

以后的以后再说
你安静的眼神
也有一种节奏

Love is a beautiful thing
多美丽 多难得
Love is a wonderful thing
就是那么爱你
什么都想为你
爱是一种毒瘾
正在发作

你知道我爱你
会爱到很久
甜蜜不必急着说
慢慢享受
连天使都忌妒的生活...

fantastic song=). from gary's previous album. his latest was horrible=.=

hmm. have been quite busy recently, trying to do and compare answers for lab reports. grr. and loads of notes to study too=X. haiz. schoolwork is depressing.

needed a spark, any spark from someone, something, some event, to brighten up my life. one is coming, one has always been there=)

and i hope that spark continues on...

the most happy night i've had in a long long time(:

sis said dad reads my blog. oookay. lol. i asked her what's wrong with that, and she said 'i'll feel insecure if dad's reading my blog.' hmm. i don't see anything wrong with dad reading my blog, if he really does. i don't write discriminating stuff here, and neither do i rant about my family here.

anyone who's interested in my life can visit. no holds barred(:

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i went to school for internal evaluation today. had the semi-exciting job of being one of the emcees of the event. which meant i had to go up on stage about every 10 min and so no time to do my work=.= but nvm. more on that later.

then came the performance with kaili. i thought it was not bad. the three judges concurred that both me and kaili have nice voices and tonal quality and what not and that the thing lacking now is chemistry. and stage presence. they said, 'the guy is trying his best to bring the girl out but the girl doesn't really care...' well. i don't think that it's very fair to say that. kaili was trying her best already; that much i could see. she's tense and nervous, to be expected of a first time performer. i was worse when i first performed. experience changes everything, and unfortunately, experience doesn't come easy. you have to try, fail and try until you succeed before you gain this intangible thing known as experience.

but no matter. i'll try to bring her out more next time. singing wise shouldn't be a problem, coz i engineered it=D oops..sounds abit bhb huh?(: but i engineered it, and marcus and joel thought it was nice, so i suppose it's good?

then was called up on stage during the workshop by the teacher. sang ji de. so coincidental. he asked me to sing the song i'm singing next week. LOL. i thought my version was okay, but the key was a tad low, so didn't get to express myself that well. but surprisingly the teacher said it was not bad=X. okay. my standard abit too steep?oops.

next fri will be the ultimate challenge. i don't think i'm gonna copy cheeyang's improvisation, since many many many people have voiced their disagreements over this obvious plagarism. probably because only cheeyang does this, it's like patented for him only=X. but i can create my own improvisation, which wouldn't be as impressive as cheeyang's, but i can sing in 2 keys below a*mei's original key. that's qt hard actually. test the stability of my falsetto.

i believe i have a video of cheeyang singing ji de on my blog. think its one of the first few entries of my blog. during genesis recital.=)

then i came home and started chionging tuts and reports and essays and what not.
i have:
1) GEK essay
2) Alkynes tut(due wk 11, but heck, do first)
3) Alkenes additional qns
4) Matlab lab 8
5) Read up on MLE text for 4 chapters.
hopefully i can finish mostly all by tmr. should i go for tuition? hmm. i wonder.

watched l'pool fall to lowly sunderland without torres, gerrard and a host of other players. well. can't say i didn't expect that. the way they lost was shitty too. for more info read sunday times tomorrow. confirm alot of talk on that.

but what made me happy to the extent of still being awake at this nocturnal hour of 3am is none of the above. shall not elaborate here. no promises were made, no untrustworthy declarations were said. just plain heart to heart talk. and that is really enough for me(:

at that instant, we were happy. we laughed. we joked. we had friendly banter. we gave ourselves a reprieve from the mundane school work. we chatted. i appreciate it(:

uncertainty is just a verb. humans tend to have periods when they are unsure on what is their next step, what is to come, what is to be done. i've come across a few of such points. i can't say i dealt with them in the best possible method, but i step back. i think. i weigh the options. i make a decision. i forge ahead. even if it happens (touch wood) to be the wrong decision, you know you have thought through it seriously.

i can't tell you to think with your heart or your brain. both, to my knowledge, are equally untrustworthy=.= most of the time, it's a mixture of both. but this time, the normally rational me thought using my heart. rarely have i done so. hence i trust it (:

but then again, that is for the murky future ahead. as much as i wanna talk about it, it is simply not practical now.

for now, tonight (17 Oct 2009) is sufficient.

the happiest and most 'content' night i've had in a long long while=)

P.S.: for this entry, try not to tag=X. i wanna keep this memory as well. you can tell me what you wanna say on msn, in person, on FB, by msg. Appreciate it=D Thanks(:

P.P.S.: for those people who have read all the way to the end of this rather long entry, the performance is on fri about 1230hrs at yih square. behind s'pore post. come if you are free. watch me either spectacularly succeed or spectacularly fail =X think its a 9:1 chance. using Navier-Stokes equation, i calculated it and i think, if i eat breakfast on that day, it'll be a 19:1 chance. of course, that is assuming eating breakfast is a fixed variable........................=D

mine or his?

i always thought i was right to insist on doing it my way. sometimes it helps to have friends give their opinions.

i think they're right. it would literally be like copying what he does, and as xianyong said,'once you start to copy and imitate, you have lost.'

hmmm.

i was thinking since it was bizweek, the most important thing would be to capture the audience's attention instead of trying to put emotion into the song. since no one would be listening, what's the point?? so it's a good opportunity to showcase the technical part of singing. but then should i do it his way, or my way?

i wonder.
-------------------------------------------------
with every passing day, with every fleeting glance and parting word, it gets stronger and stronger. and i just wish you feel the same way too=)

Today, I lose.

Blogs are actually rather evil. They record what people are unwilling to say face to face, what might be potentially disturbing. Your deepest darkest secret can be locked away in your blog without anyone knowing, but sometimes letting people know snippets of information, or how you feel, might actually be the most hurting of all.

it creates a bloodless wound, but it hurts. like hell it does.

maybe i'm not the man i thought i was.
maybe i'm not as strong and infallible as i think i should be.
maybe i have overestimated myself.

maybe...

so many maybe's. i realise it's in times like these that you realise what you are made up of. What am I made up of?

weak, fickle and easily bullied? like before?

no. no longer.

the tide of negative energy can come and let it come. it will run out eventually. it has to. what matters is how you deal with the negative emotions, comments, senseless probing. it's the process. the process that forces you to freaking grow up. faster than you thought you could.

indirect assumptions and cunning manipulation may be the key to survival, but i don't believe in it. if winning means using underhand methods, by gaining your trust and betraying it...

then winning serves no purpose. at least not to me.

so You Win. Take it. It's yours.

it's a cold hard world we live in. and tonight, i feel colder than ever...

the path ahead is rocky, steep and dangerous. who will go on with me, that i can explicitly trust?

i'm going to try something crazy. something i have never tried live. but i'm quite confident i can pull it off. watch out next fri 12pm!(:

just realised this sat is internal evaluation. damn. still got lots of stuff not sorted out=X. hmm. nvm. just do my best and pray i don't get scolded by the judges. LOL.

and as time passes, i begin to realise, this is the one.
the one that will define my life(:

i find my meaning.

i realise i'm been blogging alot recently. think it's due to e-learning week=.= sigh. tomorrow is back to school. week 9 is predicted to be an evil week=X. but life goes on...do or die.=P and i plan to do!

read a blog of a friend of mine last night. at first i was in quite a 'high' or happy mood. but sadness and emo-ness is infectious. after reading it at 3am, my mood plummeted. i dunno what i can do to help him; i'm obviously not one to consult on regarding such issues. but his post was so sincere, almost pleading. so...sad.

maybe one of the reasons i feel so much is probably because i can understand what he's going through. i used to be like that, running low on self-esteem and self-confidence. i used to think what was my purpose in life? to study? to get a good job? to make my parents proud?

no.

you live your life for yourself.

you decide what happens in your life. you decide the path to take. you decide, whether you want to wallow in self-pity, or stand up and be counted. you decide, if you wanna create a story unique to yourself. and strive for it.

no one is worthless. just like no one is perfect. you have qualities, that are apparent to all, but you yourself are unaware.

that said, i'm just very glad that i have close friends who'll open a listening ear to my rants whenever i'm feeling down. friends whom i know i can trust and count on. and you all know you can count on me to do the same=)

P.S.: thanks for your late night msg(: though i read it kinda late, but thanks nonetheless! i'm glad you trust me, and i certainly trust you(:

running on adrenaline

and yet another day that i slept late and woke up early. my ever-increasing sleep debt is accumulating...

went for tuition for the first time in a long time, coz of midterms and performance. and literally slacked throughout while watching her do the mcq practise papers.=X oops.

then went bras brasah to get the latest dan brown book, the lost symbol. but there was only the hardcover edition which is omfg expensive, so i decided to wait until they released the paperback version before buying. i still got the newest jeff archer book though=D. shall read it when i have the time. or rather, i'll still read it regardless of whether i have time or not.=X lol!

finished all my webcast lectures (except for gem) and tuts due next week. need to start on my last gem assignment and start doing all my summary notes. busy busy. and i have rehearsals next week for miniconcert as well. AND the holy 20% lab report for organic chem.

sigh. week 9 is a bad week=X

but at least we don't have killer weekly lab reports to do anymore. after that ass S.H. relinquished his lecturer position, dr. saif khan's lab report is like soooooo much easier to do! no more having headaches thinking over how to do the stupid report anymore!=D

to say honestly, i'm living on adrenaline now. so tired. i wake up knowing i'll be even more tired, but does that mean i don't wake up?

i try my best, but is my best enough?

it's so close, but it feels so far...

an unforgettable evening

today was an unforgettable day. in more ways than one.

woke up feeling anxious because i hadn't completed my lab06 which was due at 6pm. luckily had the help of yuern and shaun, who generously donated some codes to me so that i could complete my report. haha. thanks guys!

crashed girl's tut class which had like less than 10 people(lol everyone's like ponning lessons during e-learning week) coz i didn't want to wake up early for math tut on fri. then went outside lt7a to complete my report before heading to voices clubroom at 6.

the performance wasn't that bad. at least i think my songs weren't too bad, considering i only ran through them twice? didn't really catch joel's song intro and started off-beat, but he managed to catch my tempo anyway and the song proceeded on quite smoothly.

although i think i didn't do as well as i could when i'm 100%, at least i caught some of the audience's attention. so that was my 1st experience singing in a restaurant, where most of the diners aren't listening to you and you have to catch their attention with your vocals.

quite an interesting experience. and thanks to everyone who came down to watch the performance=)
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sometimes, i let my heart do the thinking, instead of my brain. it's too tiring, too exhausting, to keep trying to think rationally and wisely, trying to think what is the right thing to do.

but look deep inside your heart.

is this what you really want?

i can say for sure, yes. that's what i really want.

i love singing in a place where creativity isn't restricted. =D and i get my way! hoho (: a place where i can express my ideas about the song, and the ideal way i wanna present it.

Singalongsong---方大同

I wrote this song
It's not too long
Cause I'm thinking about you

I wrote this song
Maybe I'm wrong
To be caught up about you

I don't know what you think about me
Maybe you think nothing at all
But maybe you could just lie to me
And we could be in love, you see...

Oh it's a sing a long song that's not too long
It's when I think about you
That I hear song
And you can sing along
Baby if you want to

Cause baby I wrote this, I wrote this for you...

I wrote this song
It's not too long
Cause I'm the one who loves you

I wrote this song
This can't be wrong
I don't wanna smile without you

I just want to make you happy
Maybe you want nothing at all
How I wish that you are meant to be
Forever, end the day with me...

My singalongsong(:

not to take things for granted

i went to NUH to see Dad today. i didn't go to visit him last week because it was exam week and i had no time. another reason was, well, i was afraid it would affect my concentration for the exam.

that was when i realised my father is really old. i've not seen him so weak and frail for a long time. haiz. i seem to have taken everything around me for granted.

i remember when i was still in army, i was confined in camp for nearly 3 weeks. ie. not going home for 3 weeks, coz of confinement week and COS duties and stuffs. i remember i was so busy, i didn't call home for the whole 3 weeks.

3 weeks. if your son didn't call home for 3 weeks, what would you do?

hmm. i think i need to reshuffle my priorities. i think i've been too self-centred. everything i've been doing and thinking, it has been for myself. i've not been thinking what i can do for others, for my family.

i can't make any promises, or do anything very significant now. but i tell myself, not to take anything for granted from now on.

nobody can predict what is going to happen tomorrow. Murphy's law, sadly, does exist. but what i can do now, is to spend more time with my family, my loved one.

for you are my priority=)

PS: whoever is reading this, please do not write on the tagboard for this particular blog entry. anything u might want to say, u can tell me in person, or thru msn. i want to keep this entry simple. =) thanks!
----------------------------------------
靠近---庾澄庆

世界如此忙
忙得你和我都失去了判断
赢了所有失去最初的梦

最爱的人
最好时光
一切不能重来

靠近你就在今晚
感受彼此心中温暖
能不能 靠近我就在今晚
不要再让彼此遗憾

在今晚...

every day i learn more about myself
every day... i try to be a better man than i was yesterday.

我可以. 写.一首简单的歌...

2nd post in a day! shows how bored i am. lol.

was supposed to go for tuition, but felt v tired and had a headache. so just postponed it again. haiz. feel abit bad. but...they are already 'A' students employing me to ensure they CONFIRM get 'A'. so i dun suppose it affects them much. oops. okok i know. excuses.=P

did mle and cm tut today. tried to start on lab 6 b4 realising i dunno how to start. need to finetune my gem assignment. need to go through all the webcasted lectures for elearning week. which will be very freaking tedious.

i just watched the org chem lecture and the lecturer was talking at top speed la. crazy. he finished one chapter in 38 mins.=.= this elearning week isnt a very good idea as far as i'm concerned. maybe the rest is good. but the idea is not.
------------------------------------------------------

a nice song that a friend will be singing this thurs. i should have chosen this song! haha.very meaningful lyrics=)

我可以---蔡旻佑

雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景
有我爱你...

我可以
陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离

我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你...

unfortunately this singer is a one-album wonder. his second album, was, well, plain disastrous.LOL. but this song is nice=D

when it becomes apparent to everyone.

yesterday was a roller coaster ride of emotions. nervous to start the day(because of the last midterm), depressed after the midterm (because of the careless mistakes) and adrenaline on the car ride (lol at 100kmh=P).

went for reason's birthday party at downtown yest. the starting conditions weren't great, raining and all, but hey, whatever murphy throws at us, we can throw back=D. lol.

didn't know alot of people save for requiem, reason and zhiwei, but we are young people, and young people make friends very fast=D. hoho. played texas poker and bridge and taiti and the climax was asshole taiti. HAHA. super funny. some things you learn the hard way eh? like putting the '2' card as the last card auto condemns you a single round of assholeness. LOL.
-------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes i feel as though i've overdone certain things. have i? lots of people have asked me questions regarding it, and i've always not given a straight answer. actually it's a yes. (yes u r right yes u r right yes u r rite).^(no. of frens who asked me the same question out of concern/curiosity)--- matlab syntax.grr.

i was kinda shocked when a random fren asked me the question. i was surprised that he actually noticed. i didn't know i had been that obvious. lol. or maybe its because his sixth sense is imba-ly strong. but its weird and cruel irony that it becomes apparent to everyone else but the people involved. maybe what they say is true: when u're in it, u can't see it. only when you're a bystander, can u truly see the whole picture.

i think i have a strong sixth sense, and i read body language very accurately. i can see, beyond the facial expressions and actions, what most people are thinking. it's an inborn ability; i didn't train myself lol.(like how to train??) so i can sense how most people are feeling most of the time. and 90% of the time, i'm right. let's just say past experiences have proved it.

and it isn't a good thing. really.

it's like being able to see the future. would you wanna know wat's gonna happen to you 10, 20, 30 years down the road?

it's times like that when i feel so so alone. so...torn. so paradoxical.

i feel like i need to do something, but yet i'm hesitant. when i'm braver, maybe everything will clear. it may take seconds, hours, days, weeks...all i hope is that courage comes earlier. because luck favours the brave.

midterm analysis (to be reviewed when final term exams come along)

mcqs suck.

big time.

the profs just love to distract and confuse students with this holy imba option called 'none of the above'. and i got tricked. damn.

=.=

got 7 of 10 for maths...which means 14 out of 20 since maths midterms is 20%. 6 points there.

i shudder to think about matlab. a whole lot of variables that can affect the grade. this one, i ahve really no clue.

org chem...too many questions to discuss, so i'm not too sure of how many i'm gonna get correct as well.

material science. sux. the highest i can have is 29/35 since i made 2 careless mistakes. and that is if i get all the rest of it correct. and judging from what i see, tons of people are probably gonna get full marks.=.=

fml.

how to get a cap of 4.0???

hindsight and foresight

recently a friend told me that it's better to lose knowing that you have tried, rather than to lose without trying...i.e. even if you know u're gonna lose, just try anyway. if u don't know whether u're gonna lose, all the more you must try.

makes sense. actually subconsciously, i've always been applying this theory. all along i've never been one to give up. you get hit, you stand up, you live to die another day. until i realised recently that i've only been applying this to work, army and studies. other times, this aspect...is strangely missing.

when you have nothing to lose but all to gain, go for it.
when you have something to lose but more to gain, you SHOULD still got for it.
but when you have everything to lose, but everything to gain, will you still go for it?

it's a matter of whether you can stand to lose. i've heard bankers give talks and say,'You must always think how much you can lose before you invest. If you can afford to lose, then you can afford to invest.' i subscribe to that theory. only if you can afford that setback, can you afford to start.

can i afford to lose? i don't think so. =X

or rather, i should change the question to, will i lose? hmm...that's a good question,that i currently do not have an answer.

will the answer come soon? hopefully=P...

%% just some additional comments

it's 2am and i'm not asleep. i have a lecture at 8am tomorrow. i have to wake at 6am. fml.

am listening to a song by eason chan. as you may (or may not) know, eason chan is an extremely brillant singer who sings with a ton of innate emotions. his songs are capable of digging out your innermost emotions and iterate them 'n' times, like a 'while' loop. especially so when you're feeling rather down, and listening to his songs in the middle of the night. just makes me feel so...emo (for the lack of a better word). simply listening to his story through his songs makes me feel better(:

K歌之王---陈奕迅

我以为要是唱的用心良苦
你总会对我多点在乎

我以为虽然爱情已成往事
千言万语 说出来可以互相安抚

期待你感动真实的我们难相处
写词的让我 唱出你要的幸福
谁曾经感动分手的关头才懂得
离开排行榜 更铭心刻骨

我已经相信有些人 我永远不必等
所以我明白 在灯火栏珊处为什么会哭
你不会相信 嫁给我明天有多幸福
只想你明白 我心甘情愿爱爱爱爱到要吐

那是醉生梦死才能熬成的苦
爱如潮水 我忘了我是谁
至少还有你哭...

我想唱一首歌 给我们祝福
唱完了我会一个人住
我愿意试着了解从此以后
拥挤的房间一个人的心 有多孤独

让我 断了气 铁了心 爱的过火
一回头就找到出路
让我成为了无情的k歌之王
麦克风都让我征服
想不到你 若无其事的说
这样滥情何苦?

我想来一个吻别 作为结束
想不到你只说我不许哭
不让我领悟...

the first taste

the first taste of exams in 3 years. was rather bad =.= well, knew matlab was a killer all the while and since everyone is screwed, it sort of evens out. maths was, well, disappointing. made 2 careless mistakes which irritates me more than not knowing how to do.

oh wells, another one on thurs and one more on sat before i can finally take a breather.

another reprieve is voices. i just feel like going even though its in the midst of midterms. singing helps me to destress, as well as helps me release some pent up emotions. in ways more than studies.

sometimes i do wonder.
sometimes i do overthink. about all the what ifs.
sometimes, i do ponder if i want to hear that elusive answer.

it takes two to clap, but only one to dream...

when a good song makes a gloomy day bright again...

一首简单的歌---王力宏

我一直
在思考
让你了解我的好
却忘了常常对你微笑

失去的
忘记的
我会尽力去弥补
你是我最珍贵的财富

写一首简单的歌
让你的心情快乐
爱情就像一条河
难免会碰到波折

这一首简单的歌
并没有什么独特
好像我
那么的平凡却又深刻...

put my music player on shuffle mode and came across this song...forgot how nice it was(: sweet sweet lyrics...and suits my range too!haha. shall sing it when i have a chance=P leehom's songs are always very nice=D

countdown: 1 day to go back school. for midterms. arghh. there we go again. didn't have time to really rest during this 'supposed' holiday. yeah right man holiday. holidays shouldn't be spent chionging mugging. i think i'm more tired out during this hols than during normal school term. not to forget, still got gem assignments (two of them! want to kill us ar??) and weekly lab reports to submit.

that's a bright thought.=.=

but never mind. i'm sure i'll ride through this.

i know, therefore i can and i must...regis advenio nunc!

of great meaning and significance...

blogpost about yesterday's gathering and today's not so boring day at home!

went for iceman gathering yest!lol...was quite fun...reached at 2 plus and mugged(oops=X) till 6 when the rest arrived. and for once, a really good bbq! haha. the food was really cooked, which is ever so rare in a bbq.

and my og peeps just loves dunking people into the pool =.= LOL. but nvm it's all in the name of fun=D.

reached home at 2am plus, slightly tipsy, rather exhilarated, but with my mind thinking of lots of stuff. lots of issues that i feel should be handled with care, and as soon as possible. everything will be settled (hopefully) by after midterms, and on the day of performance.

speaking of which, i'll be singing 我不难过 by 燕姿 and Singalongsong by 方大同...on hindsight, shouldn't have chosen 我不难过. such a hard song =.= abit hard to settle the pitch. but nvm! i'll still do my best. Singalongsong has a very strong significance to it, so i'm glad i got that song=).

a very strong significance indeed.....

i pray. i dream. and i look to the future...

if only you knew...

祈祷---李岗霖

无能为力
祈祷着再次将你拥入怀中
手指冰冷的温度
无情命运
任性的捉弄

无能为力
祈祷着你能感觉我的温柔
用尽力气狠狠的
把你看够
舍不得放手

我还爱不够...

the past few days have been a dream...a dream from which i hope i will not wake (: happy hours, even while studying, seem to pass extra fast.

your destiny is ahead. take it. it's yours.

flashbacks

they say character is built from experiences. i totally agree. i think what i've been through really helped me shape my character and my way of thinking.

i realise i'm more wary of people now. trusting people less, and taking more time to gauge people's character. i guess it's kind of like a defense mechanism. when you have suffered, you remember and make sure it never happens again. there was a period when i thought i'll never trust again, but, hey, no man's an island. you can never completely close out others and live your own isolated life. fortunately, there are still people out there worth talking to and trusting.=)

on hindsight, such sombering experiences actually helped. for example, i should thank my OC, for letting me know that doing too much is actually a sin, and i should just mind my business and let things be, even though you know things aren't the way it should be.

let the past remain in the past, but the experiences remain. think nought of what could have been done, but what can be done now.

you'll be happier. at least i am.

to girl: really enjoyed the HTHT session. haha(: really glad that you trust me enough to confide in me(: and vice versa too! i think we are rather similar people: rational and we let brains dictate our actions instead of the heart.(:


努力为你改变却变不了
预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天
已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼 我还看得见

可惜不是你
陪我到最后
曾一起走 却 走失那路口
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔...

this doesn't mean anything. i just think it's a very nice song(: music soothes my soul.

the Blower's daughter...

this is a crazy week. week 6. numerous submissions, assignments, labs, lab reports to do, tutorials to complete...

sometimes i wish i can just slack and don't do...work is like never-ending, forever an onslaught of assignments and tutorials and projects etc...sucks to be an engineer, sucks even more to be a chemical engineer, (sucks)^Inf especially if u are a chem engin student trying to get a life, trying to pursue his dreams, trying to obtain good enough grades, all without having to sacrifice too much...

midterm break is next week, but after that is midterms. *drumroll* means more mugging, less rest, lesser sleep, lesser fun...

the only solace i get is probably from singing and hanging out with good, better and best frens =D. singing is a damn effective way to release emotions/stress, which i happen to have alot of recently. EA block fire escape staircase rocks =D. even though 'girl' says can hear me from 2nd storey, that doesn't stop me from practising. music and singing keep me sane; helps me to release anything pent up in me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
everything's so surreal, like a dream. is it real? or just a figment of my own fertile imagination?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i listened to the Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice last night. in the wee hours. when everyone was asleep. when i could only hear the gentle humming of the fan. even though the lyrics were so simple, so innocent, the emotions came through loud and clear.

sometimes, just a simple song can let loose what i've been trying to hide for the longest time. my weaknesses, past experiences, all coming back into memory...

the irony

the questioner bearing the answer to the question. it's just like a deafening silence.

an anti-paradox.

i can't answer, because only you have it.
-----------------------------------------
张惠妹-如果你也听说

作曲:周杰伦 填词:李焯雄

为什么脆弱时候 想你更多?

如果你也听说
有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话 想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得
又无可奈何?

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你 想起我
胸口依然温柔...

haven't posted lyrics for a long time. this song is a cumulative effort from a*mei and jay. But what catches my eye (or ear) is the lyrics. so true...

Fantastic Friday=D

even though i had 6hrs of lessons today and i chionged from engin to science to engin again in 3 hrs, i ended the day high, happy and energised.

the effect of music.=D

went for voices at 6 plus. and saw qinny practising her keyboard. then had a super huge urge to sing. and so i did. LOL. quite a few too. already damn high even before practice started=D.

practice was okay. then had the chance to jam 王妃 with the live band. which was super cool coz it was 萧敬腾's original key and i could scream and yell and no one would care coz got live band to cover. super shiok feeling to sing rock songs with abandon=D

now have to sing duet (with a girl =P) and abit hard to choose song. oops. have to match keys and lyrics and all. but i think it'll be fun. hopefully we can get to arrange our own songs to make it sound nicer.=D

and today was good to me because of a special reason. becoz of something that i think, might be conclusive. does it mean anything? at the moment, i hope it does.=D

you win some, you lose some...

a roller-coaster 4 days.

sometimes i wonder if i'm barking up the wrong tree. if i'm wrong. if i should forget about everything and carry on with this monotonous existence.

that's when i realise i can't. =X

in everything, you win some, you lose some. but this time, i really don't wanna lose.

The Cookie Jar

"It just so happened that I was there after everyone stuck their hands in the cookie jar and then the lights came on and I had a cookie.”

Bruce Bowen.

suddenly had to urge to blog after i saw this quote. find it quite funny(: basically trying to lament that he's unfortunate to be caught when everyone is doing it. LOL.

somehow, sundays are starting to become chiong-tutorial-and-mug-hard day. like got lots of things to revise and do. =.= yea well. okay. life of a chem engineer. or rather, life of ALL aspiring engineers out there. like a bit no life.

luckily i have my music to accompany me. have to memorise lyrics, but if it's a song i like, shouldn't be a problem. now the only thing that breaks the monotony of school is like singing. the only bright spark in boring times.

or at least, until something interesting comes along......or will it?

My Way

i'm too cowardly. i know. but this behaviour, if it is to protect myself, if it is in my best interests, is understandable, is it not?

and so he waits, waiting for the sign, that it is time. but will it come? will it take 1 second, 1 day, 1 year?

or will he have to wait forever?

the first prac session was okay. going through basics. which is actually quite useful. next week need to record a song! nice. time to train again.

流沙 comes to mind. i feel alot for this song. coz its reflective of what's actually happening. i'm sure i can bring off the essence of this song, given the way things are now.

tomorrow: to make my own notes for MLE, do CM1501 tut and chiong the challenging problems in the textbook.

Note to self: The effort you put in is proportional to the success you get. Applies to EVERYTHING. jiayou.

mutual? or...?

is it?

is it not?

I'm not sure. My judgement has been clouded ever since. I'll hope for the best as always, but once I take it up, it isn't so easy to put it down.

I just hope things don't happen twice. especially twice the unhappiness and dejection.

sigh.

爱情好象流沙
我不说话
等待黑暗让眼泪落下

爱情好象流沙
明知该躲它无法自拔
oh baby 是我太傻

是一再的做
一再的错 不由我
我一步一步一步一步
慢慢走向流沙...

a song by tao zhe.
so describes my feelings now. aptly.

Singalongsong(:

thinking thinking thinking

mugging mugging mugging

singing singing singing.

without an end, there can't be a new start.

Singalongsong---方大同

I don't know what you think about me
Maybe you think nothing at all
But maybe you could just lie to me
We could be in love, you see...

Let's sing a long song
That's not too long
It's when I think about you
Then I hear song

And you can sing along
Maybe if you don't want to
Cause baby I wrote this
I wrote this for you

In every way, you mean more to me
Then you ever know
Girl, I do my best to show these words are true
And if you like to make a song
And be in perfect harmony with me
Oh I'll find the greatest words to sing
So we could write our own romantic thing...

this song rox.fullstop=D

The Truth

who said uni life is gonna be a breeze after jc life ought to be shot.

seriously.

nothing could be further from the truth. lol. LOTS of work to do. LOADS. gosh.weekly lab reports, gem assignment, weekly tuts...and the tuts must spend like 3 hrs doing that kind. not easy at all =.=

totally crazy.

THIS is crazy.

went for voices welcome tea. generally not bad. they seem like a bunch of happening people eager to make good music. and so do i (:

and so i'm quitting CO!(: realised that i don't want, and i can't, have 2 CCAs. kinda cutting my own throat.

PS: i don't know if it is worth it. i really don't. maybe in time to come i'll find out. i'll continue working hard, and maybe things will work out fine(:

it starts here.

an eventful day.

i spent a substantial amount of time worrying about what might happen today, or rather, what i anticipated would happen. but it didn't.

luckily.

i always tend to prepare myself for the worst possible outcome while remaining cheerfully hopeful that everything will turn out fine. it might not have happened today, but it's like a ticking time bomb, waiting and waiting for the most inopportune time to implode.

it will explode eventually. the thing now is to ensure damage is minimal. to everything.

went for NUS voices auditions with jasline and qinny. i thought i sang okay, not fantastic, but okay. voice was kinda tight, maybe due to nerves. as it is before any performance or audition. oh well. results out tomorrow so hope for the best(:

then went library to mug with andrew, geraldine, zhiwei and mujung. found it much more productive than doing tutorials at home. home is distracting; internet and TV VERY distracting =.= managed to do half the gem assignment and half the math tutorial. so rather productive =D

tomorrow: 1 hr of organic chem on alkanes, 2 hrs of DNA and RNA and whatever, 2 hrs of matlab =.= totally not appealing timetable.

What did I do??

oh my...

sometimes, i tend to say the wrong things.

Just...
Let bygones be bygones. i don't wanna embroil myself (or ANYONE for that matter) into any sort of rubbish anymore.

what is passe stays passe. Full-stop.
------------------------------------------------

on a happier (=.=) note, went minds with s21 peeps today! laughed till stomach ache. LOL. outings tend to release any stress/displeasure whatsoever. it's good to know that there's a group of friends who'll share the burden and help you no matter what. =D

其实我也不知道---萧煌奇

其实我也不知道
其实我也很苦恼
其实我很害怕你想要的我都做不到
除了紧紧的拥抱
谁能承诺天荒地老
我的苦笑
是否你能明了

其实我也不知道
其实我也很煎熬
其实我也想过放弃一切什麽都不要
缘份如此美妙
却又如此困扰
是欢笑迷宫
又像寂寞监牢
让人只想逃跑

嘿 谢谢你对我那麽好
我 常常觉得无以回报
爱 就是这麽微妙

它无法强求 它出现的时候
不必寻找...

meaningful lyrics, and emotional vocals. 萧煌奇's blind, but blessed with a wonderful voice that just has the ability to infect everyone with his emotions. fantastic(:

time, TiMe, TIME!

lots of work to cover, lots of things to do, lots of activities to participate in.

is it me or a day doesn't consist of 24hours anymore?

=.=

locard's principle!

locard's principle states that when two objects come into contact with each other, they will leave traces of contact on each other, i.e. transfer of material/evidence from one body to another.

interesting?

the founding father of forensic science(:

went to crash the forensic science GEM on friday. it was at an unholy timing of 7 to 10pm, but surprisingly no one(including me the crasher) left the lecture early. reason being this is prolly the MOST interesting lecture i have attended for the past WEEK.

Dr. Stella Tan, the course lecturer, was engaging and humorous and everything my other (PRC) lecturers AREN'T. the examples she quoted were notorious (like Huang Na and OJ Simpson) and i liked the way she brought her point across.

That forensic science will nail down the culprit, provided the forensic scientist does everything correctly =X

i'm quite sure i'm the only year 1 student there and i was sitting with a yr 2 and yr 4 =.= but hey it's good to make friends in NUS, even though they are from different faculties and the way you make them is so totally random(like grouping up to do a crossword puzzle and hence knowing the people sitting next to you)

went back school for nusco welcome tea where i saw like 50 PRCs signing up for CO. but most of them don't have CO background and thankfully the ExCo are all Singaporeans. heng.

apparently there will be a selection for instruments. hmm. if i'm not in dizi... =.=

OG gathering was fun, though the food was zzz. but had a whale of a time talking shop and playing pool. it's interesting how we never run out of topics to chat about. inherent ability to generate topics from thin air. haha(:

tomorrow: time to chiong tutorials! *puts on his most nerdy specs* should start mugging alrdy i guess. =X

Sometimes, just sometimes...

Hmm.

sometimes i wonder...

记得.忘记

记得/张惠妹

谁还记得
爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远
终于走到
分岔路的路口
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得
当初那些温柔

我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后...

i can hear this song for 1 hour continously without stop (:

anyway, 1st day of school today! quite boring, but learnt quite a few things about school culture and the how-to-do-stuff. generally a not too bad day.

EXCEPT

the not-very-clever admin department forgot to allocate ma1505 to me and i had to go personally to the Dean's Office to 'voice my concern'. they can't blame me for not trying man. i sent one email, one hand-written message on the officer's table and called multiple times.(though to no avail) still no reply by tomorrow and i'll try taxpayer's method.

JUST SPAM CALL.

hopefully i don't need to come to that. grr.

still got all the timetable scheduling, textbook buying, tuitions, og gatherings etc etc...busy, but fun (:

Why so serious??

Engin got talent on thurs night was fantastic. okay the singing/piano/guitar performances weren't exactly top-class, but they should be applauded for their courage to perform on stage(which is very the scary).

the pick of the night was no doubt andrew's magic performance, like turning cards with blue backing red (*gasp*) and some imba prediction magic(*gasp gasp*). and he was hilarious together with the emcee. basically everything he did/said was funny.LOL.

headed to the cheese prata house for supper after the show. during which we came up with a ton (i kid you not) of lame LaMe LAME jokes. walao. was FREEZING the whole time i was eating CURRY. LOL. the power of cold jokes.

after like 4 hrs of sleep, woke up to friday which was a interesting but shagging day at sentosa. weirdly, dunking is as much of a culture in NUS as it is in VJ, aka dunking-takes-place-regardless-of-whether-you-have finished-playing-the-games.

lol. fun.

and at last i received notification for the CSP. so one less module to bid for and i only bid for one gem this sem. and i just realised i'm taking the organic chem module with the yr 2s, which isn't exactly a comforting thought.=X

but i have the potential to showhand everything next sem to get my EG1413, so it might not be a bad thing after all. =D

CCAs: deciding between geyao and CO, or maybe both. hmm...see how it goes. coping with school work comes first no matter what, everything else is later.

so as jock house's motto says: why so serious??

a step at a time, my friends, and the haven looks closer than ever.

That's *ahem* interesting...

went for engin camp, which was actually quite interesting. okay, other than the rather boring FIC and the selling of flags(=.=) but my og is a fun bunch where guys>>girls, but who cares when we can talk and talk and talk till 2am and forget that we have to wake at 4.30am.

which basically left me struggling to keep awake for the whole of flag day.

but arcades and weird icebreaker games have a way of keeping people entertained, so it wasn't that bad. LOL.

back home and have to bid for modules...zzz...

Latest!

Latest from 星光5班踢館挑戰賽:

黃智陽　記得/張惠妹 and 洋蔥 / 楊宗緯
one draw and one win. kicks out the 5班 contestant in round 2.

陳迪雅 我愛你/盧廣仲 and 討厭 / 芮恩
one draw and one loss. commendable effort wootz!

蔡艾珈 不痛/張韶涵 and 我該得到 / 戴愛玲
two wins, one 22 marks and the other 25 marks(which is full marks btw). kicks out the5班contestant in round 1.

wow. and 艾珈 won high praise from the judges too. our s'porean singers are becoming a nemesis to the taiwanese contestants, considering both rounds it was one of the s'porean singers that kicked them out.

looking forward to watching the show next saturday!

angst; to release steam.

to do or not to do?to risk or not to risk?to try or not to try?

first ask yourself this: can you afford to lose? if you delve head on into the task ahead, can you afford to face the consequences of your actions?

if yes, by all means. it'll be a bonus if you win, but not too much of a loss if you do lose.
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bidding is omg sian.just to get that perfect class so that i can have wed off and mon slp till 12(=X), i'm like checking the bidding website every hour.zzz.pray i can get it.

but then again, even if i get it, i might not need to take it!which is even more sian.so screwed up.why can't they just tell me their decision now?
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i'm beginning to hate my driving instructor. downright arsehole. i ask him question, he happy answer, not happy don't answer. don't ask him question, he'll ask why i never ask him question. like i'm supposed to know i do wrongly right???if i know my mistakes i don't need an ass like you to teach me alrdy!

he'll say,'if you dunno, then you ask me.' then when i ask him, he'll say things like,'can you use your brain and think?'

walao.

seriously unprofessional.

even as a tuition teacher, you'll see the kid's answer and tell him why he/she's wrong. you can't possibly wait for the kid to TELL you he's wrong and ask you for the correct answer!coz if he knows he's wrong he won't need the teacher anyway wat.

and another major peeve: he'll say things like 'you try and do it your way(without actually telling me what's the mistake.) if you can succeed in parking, i'll give you $5000 and teach you free driving until you pass.'

ya ya i know you are the pro here and you know every single minute detail of how to park correctly. that doesn't give you a licence to be an arrogant son of a ***** you know.

as a teacher, you share your knowledge, not dump it to the student and expect him to grasp everything instantaneously. that's why i don't really like to tuition; because you must go down to the student's viewpoint and understand why he thinks that way before you can correct his mistake. which is often a long and painful process.

which is obviously something that HE doesn't seem to know how to do.

i've half a mind to flame him online. but i'm not dropping to his level. not yet at least. until he pisses me off further...

anyway since i'm going back to sch, less lessons with him. thank goodness =.=
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on a completely different note...a nice emo song. heard it on bai wan da ge xing and got addicted ever since.

囚鸟---张宇

词:十一郎 曲:张宇

我是被你囚禁的鸟
已经忘了天有多高
如果离开你给我的小小城堡
不知还有谁能依靠

我是被你囚禁的鸟
得到的爱越来越少
看着你的笑在别人眼中燃烧
我却要不到一个拥抱

我像是一个你可有可无的影子
冷冷地看着你说谎的样子
这撩乱的城市
容不下我的痴
是什么让你这样迷恋这样的放肆

我像是一个你可有可无的影子
和寂寞交换着悲伤的心事
对爱无计可施
这无味的日子

眼泪是唯一的奢侈...

张宇 and his wife make a perfect songwriter/composer duo. i like their musical style; got hooked on the emo-ness.

lol.

or maybe its just me =.=

The Pensieve

lots of things happened today, need to keep all these memories...

*points wand at my temple and extracts silvery-white substance, then deposits it into the Pensieve*

went to work early in the morning, planning to slack my way till 12 when i knock off and hand in my temp pass. then Boss asked me to stay till 1pm coz the permstaff had some tea session and there was lack of personnel manning the phone(so much so they have to get margaretha on the line.lol.) so i stayed. received a very weird and incomprehensible call from james @ MDA.

James: do you have an officer named samantha koh?

Me: Er...but she has resigned...

James: oh, but there used to be an officer by that name?

Me: Yea, but...

James: Okay thanks bye.

leaving me abit stunned and abit wth? and i kid you not sis, i'm serious; james DID call and ask if you used to work there. for reasons i can't fathom. LOL.

so when i left there wasn't any permstaff around. jitao just wrote a note and placed my IRAS possessions(which is like only calculator and temp pass) on mythi's desk.

and so i left.

after 8 months.

can't say it felt like ORD. i have much better vibes about level 21 than ladang camp. LOL. and actually, other than those irritating Talking-Pigeons(T/P) and the oh-so-holy Boss, the job's quite nice. at least, it is to me (:

took a long train and bus ride to NUS, during which i received a msg from mythi saying she forgot to pass me the farewell card! *sniffs* lol.okay la fake emo. which means i'll have to make a trip back to iras someday to collect it. and i'm gonna email the Boss and request for testimonial from her too. hehe.

after 20min of horlan-ness in NUS, i finally reached MPSH1. and luckily for me i saw jiawei who helped me to erhem 'advance' erhem 'in the' erhem 'queue'. completed matriculation and collected all my new cards. saw buddy and his family shopping for laptops. then headed to the cca fair and surprise surprise, i saw tashrif! senior from BMT, from 40th Advanced Saikang Learner Course (ASLC). haven't seen him for a long long time. and also got conned into putting my name down for NUSCO. oh well. just go there see see and maybe will join? LOL.

couldn't find NUS geyao though. they kinda disappeared from the face of the earth with no website/outdated blog. grr. never mind. will go and find out again.

then went Science Fac to hand it the form and transcripts. that place is a freaking maze man! walked in circles until i found the CORRECT block CORRECT level CORRECT dept.zzz.

and so a new start, new beginning approaching...6 more days...

School ramblings...

Remember that what you believe will depend very much on what you are.

Noah Porter

the past few days have been a chore, shuttling between home, NUS and my tuition kid's place. crazy amount of time spent on transport.

and trips to NUS have been disturbing. the more info i get, the more i realise how much research i need to do. which is zzz. like planning which modules to take other those alrdy allocated to year 1 students. like needing to ensure that the module i choose do not clash in timings with other modules, do not clash in examination dates/times, that it's something that i find interesting and hence should be able to score...etc etc...

also need to apply for CSP, which, hopefully if i'm shortlisted for the program, means i don't need to bid for the LSM and breadth modules anymore. please let me get in...

at first glance, the ChE timetable looks really appealing. but after adding all the timings/modules that i have in mind, it becomes really screwed up. like maybe lessons till 8pm?which is like wth?which prof conducts lectures till 8pm la?don't they need to go home and rest?

nutty professors.

maybe i'll take up shaun's invitation to stay over at his hall on those 8pm-ending days. beats reaching home at 10pm and waking up at 7am again just to trudge to school again.

argh.

on a separate note, FoE is just saturated with old friends and comrades that i haven't seen in ages. the guys i mean. from VS, VJ and during training in army. at least there are familiar faces. feels better not to be the only person going through all these =X

one step at a time. next up: matriculation and bidding.

Occlumens, legilimens and Horcruxes

spoilers ahead for those who haven't watched half-blood prince.

well honestly it wasn't as good as i expected it to be. was kinda disappointed when i walked out of the cinema.

partially not the director's fault, because half-blood prince is omfg 607 pages long and he has to summarise that into 135 minutes, so you would expect him to skip some details. and it's widely known that jk rowling wrote half-blood prince as a prelude and bridge to the deathly hallows, the last book of the series. in fact the only significant thing happening in the book was the death of dumbledore, so the director had to build up to this not-very-exciting and anticlimax climax.(does that even make sense?)

that said, certain aspects could have been better and unimportant parts could have been cut out. like the burying of aragog and use of felix felicis, which was fun to read but prolly not so important in the grand scope of things. and they cut out the final quidditch match, as well as the final battle between the death eaters and members of the order, which was of paramount importance and could have erased the anticlimax feeling. AND the ending was horrible.abrupt and absolutely anti-climical.zzz.

snape sucked in his role; simply not nasty and angsty enough for his meaty role. but i liked rupert grint!his lovesick expression was uber funny lol!

next movie: g i joe!if i have the time to watch it that is...=X

sometimes, we must learn to appreciate life for what it is, instead of what it can be.

When monopoly is disastrous...

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Herm Albright

Just a random quote that i saw. basically means it's better to be positive about things; people will see and appreciate the effort you are putting in.

going to be a busy busy week ahead. working again tomorrow, then probably watching half-blood prince at night. wed will be half day followed by a trip down to NUS for a program briefing. thurs, driving lesson plus outing of The Fantastic Four (LOL cool term huh?(: anyone volunteering to be jessica alba??HAHA!) friday will be spent in NUS(again!) for welcome tea/module briefing.

zzz.

sounds packed.

and i got persuaded by jaws to stay an additional day so last day will be next tues just before registration at NUS(again! grr)

it's weird/amazing/interesting how things get put into perspective upon returning to s'pore from another country. it's like those few days away from this 'red dot' can help one to do some self-reflection and serious thinking. at least i did. and i know some of my friends have too. i found myself pondering on certain ideals and relationships that i used to hold dear, and suddenly they didn't seem so indispensable anymore. of course, they remain important, but just not so crucial anymore. life shouldn't be so one-dimensional. one can't live his/her life for one dream or one person. no dream/person is SO important to devote ALL your time and effort into.

consider this: if you, one day, lose that dream/person, will you lose the motivation to carry on? will you still be able to drag yourself through the vigours of everyday life if you lose that ONE thing that defines you?

Nothing should monopolise your heart and mind. Yes, it may play a larger part then most, but don't let it rule you.

Pain lies ahead if you do. Trust me.

anyway i'm glad i have sorted out all my thoughts before the start of school. all those stupid nonsense running through my head was really beginning to wear me out and now that i have thought things through, my mind's a lot calmer and clearer now. well...better thinking through things now then in uni where time is of essence.

PS: need new wax/clay.zzz.but damn lazy to buy.

转移.爱情

把一个人的温暖
转移到另一个的胸膛
让上次犯的错反省出梦想

每个人都是这样
享受过提心吊胆
才拒绝做爱情待罪的羔羊

回忆是抓不到的月光
握紧就变黑暗
等虚假的背影消失于晴朗
阳光在身上流转
等所有业障被原谅

爱情不停站
想开往地老天荒
需要多勇敢?

my all time favourite song (: never fails to make me feel better. about everything.

and my chronic headache is back. sigh...got so bad i didn't even go for guanyue outing last night. sorry peeps for pangseh-ing =X. next time definitely go okays?(:

zzz. depressed.